Bowling bumpers and The Sage Collector

Last week I watched some kids bowling. Little kids. No older than 8.

They were excited to find just the right ball and get started. A couple frames of nothing but gutter balls for the boys, while Dad got two strikes, quelled their enthusiasm.

Then a magical thing happened. 

An employee with a long metal pole reached into each gutter and VOILA – bumpers. No more gutter balls. Lots more fun.

I immediately took out my notebook of blog ideas and wrote: BUMPERS – Wouldn’t that be nice! I need bumpers!

Maybe you understand. Maybe, like me, you have moments when you want to go back to being six and using bumpers.

Bumpers. Bumpers. I knew there was blog there, but instead of words coming out, there was only frustration.

I envisioned a light, fun piece about bumpers making life more enjoyable. I tried HARD to write that blog.

If you are a writer, you know trying HARD rarely leads to good writing. So, I put it aside.

Last night, a post from my friend S.a. Kish appeared on my Facebook timeline. Not unusual – except that the post was 8 days old and no one had commented on it recently. Those parameters don’t fit Facebook’s algorithm. A  post that old with no recent activity should not have appeared in my feed.

Fluke? Coincidence? I don’t believe in either of those.

In a flash, I knew why the post appeared, and why the blog about bumpers had not progressed past thinking about myself.

The truth is I have bumpers: a wonderful family, loving friends, a welcoming church family, a Savior who loves me.

No, the story about people who need bumpers does not have Beth Painter as one of the main characters.

My friend S.a.Kish is the heart and brains of The Sage Collector, an advocacy group for foster parents and children.

Think about this:

Every day over 400,000 children and teenagers are in foster care in the United States.

On average, children remain under state care for two years. 15% live in group homes because a foster family is not available.

In 2014, 22,000 people aged out of the system without having a permanent home or family. 

As The Sage Collector explains, there are many reasons kids become part of the foster care system. The goal, initially, is correction of whatever challenges exist and reunification of the family. That process take time. And, unfortunately, reuniting the family is not always a viable option.

Can you imagine being a kid without a place you called home. Can you imagine going to a new school and then another new school, never knowing how long you will be there. Can you imagine being in that situation and having one ounce of concern about algebra or how verbs are conjugated or which Civil War battle turned the tide for the North.

Can you imagine that? I can't.

Talk about needing bumpers!

This isn’t a blog about “bad” parents. It is about parents who may have challenges so great that they are unable to care for their kids.

This isn’t a blog about “bad” kids. It is about kids who may be in danger because they are, in some way, beyond their parents’ control.

This is a blog about people who truly do need bumpers. They don’t need our criticism or cynicism or judgement.

They need bumpers. 

Not forever, just until they get stronger and learn new skills. Just until there are more days the ball stays on the lane than sinks into the gutter.

The Sage Collector assists foster parents, as well as parents and kids who are in the foster care system. 

Go here to read more about this group. 

Certainly, more foster parents are needed, but there are many other ways to help. Maybe there is a need you can fill. Maybe you can pass the information on to a friend who wants to help. Or keep the group in your prayers.

Bowling wouldn’t be much fun for young kids if there were no bumpers.

Life isn’t fun, and sometimes isn’t bearable, for people who need bumpers and don’t have them.

Think about how you would feel in that situation.

And remember that there but for the grace of God…

We will talk again soon,

BP

Beth Painter is, among many other things, a writer and motivational speaker. You can follow her on Facebook on the “Think Big focus small” page.

Beth is available to speak to your group about how to make your dreams and desires come to life! 

The current of the river and other thoughts...

My last post discussed feeling a blog inside but not immediately having a path for the words to come out.

Today is just the opposite.

I had no intention of writing a blog today. In fact, I have eight Chrome tabs open that are related to one work project or another. And I have several errands to run.

Yet, here I am, with no choice but to write.

My friend, Michelle, understands. Anyone who is a writer does.

It’s Facebook’s fault. The first writing jab came when my sweet young friend, Taylor, shared her struggle to find motivation and purpose yesterday. Then, my dear friend, Trish, shared her decision to give up Facebook for Lent in order to devote more time to spiritual and personal growth.

I have been sharing my vision of how my blog can expand with a few folks. I want to incorporate video snippets, with some audio overtop. 

I need a DJI Phantom 3 Pro drone and a GoPro Hero4 Black. NEED. 

Yes, I like to identify my desires specifically.  I can quickly come up with a dozen ideas for using this equipment, with one of the coolest being a view from above a river, either from a boat or a lookout.

In light of my vision and my friends’ posts, I am thinking today about rivers.

The Pennsylvania Fish and Boat Commission has online maps to help boaters navigate the state rivers, especially with regard to locks. The area between two locks is designated as a pool. The size of each pool is determined by where locks are needed – which is determined by changing water levels.

A two mile pool might be fine for a fisherman, but not much fun for a 28’ recreational boat. Some people never have a need to encounter a lock. But if you on the Allegheny River in Kittanning and you want to get to Pittsburgh by boat, you need to know when the locks are open to you.

Okay, Beth, that’s a great lesson on locks. So what’s the point?

The point is that as much as life is like a puzzle (see my previous blog), it resonates more with me to think about the current that flows through everything, that connects everything, that carries us on our path to whatever degree we allow it. Like a river. 

The point is it would be easier – sometimes – to fly a DJI Phantom 3 Pro over this river we call life to get a better sense of it.

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent in the Christian Church. I remember, as a kid, lying quietly in bed on Sunday mornings, hoping my mom would sleep in and we would miss church. Now, while I don’t advocate everything for which “the Church” stands, I know my life would not be what it is and I would not be who I am without Jesus.

I am grateful for the promise of eternity, of leaving this physical body and returning to the place where my soul will be with all those I love.

I am grateful for what Jesus has taught me about loving people (including myself), about patience, kindness, humility, the blessing of peace, the lightness of joy.

I am also grateful for the, albeit limited, detail we get about how Jesus lived while He was here.

Talk about a dude who was chill!

Jesus was comfortable in His own skin. He shared His message and if people didn’t believe it, He moved on. There was no attempt to convince, and certainly no badgering. He had emotions, but He didn’t dwell on the negative.

One of my favorite stories is when Jesus encounters the woman who has been bleeding for 12 years. (Mark 5:21-43, Matthew 9:18-26, Luke 8:40-56) The woman is so convinced of Jesus’ ability to heal her that she crawls through the feet of the large crowd lined up to see Him. When Jesus walks by her, she is only able to touch His garment.

Two amazing things happened. First, the blood stopped instantly and she was healed. Second, Jesus looked around because, while He didn’t feel her touch his garment, He did feel power go out.

Jesus knew He had come from God. He knew there is a current, like a river, that flows from God through everything. Every human, every animal, every plant, every cell, every atom. Jesus knew His power was found in that current, and He knew prayer and meditation was how He could plug in every day.

Jesus radiated peace and power and joy because He stay aligned with God. He knew that all things are possible for God. He knew the current is under God’s watchful eye and would take Him on the right path. He knew that no matter what was happening on a given day – even being tortured and nailed to a cross – everything was always working out.

People focus on many things during Lent. I’m not one to dwell on mourning or punishment or sorrow. My focus this Lenten season will be the following verse:

Let us look only to Jesus, the One who began our faith and who makes it perfect. He suffered death on the cross. But He accepted the shame as if it were nothing because of the JOY that God put before him. (Hebrews 12:2)

JOY.

Because, in spite of today’s reality, the river flows with a current directed by the Creator of the universe. Because, while there will be rocks and rapids and locks, the river will carry me forward. Because, whether I believe it or not, everything is always working out.

Maybe you will join me.

Right now I need to get back to those open tabs. 

We will talk again soon…

BP :) 

PS  Inspiration is an interesting thing. Those two Facebook posts pushed me to write, but as the words spilled out, nothing about those posts appeared. That's how writing goes sometimes.

Beth Painter is, among many other things, a writer and motivational speaker. You can follow her on Facebook on the “Think Big focus small” page.

Beth is available to speak to your group about how to make your dreams and desires come to life! 

Jigsaw puzzles and releasing shame...

I felt a blog inside today but couldn’t find the words. So I started a jigsaw puzzle.

Not as unrelated as it sounds. Often when words are stuck, doing something tactile or physical helps. Walking, exercising, gardening, cleaning…today it was looking for outside edges amid 1000 tiny pieces.

The puzzle is a photograph of a place I know well. It measures 13” X 30”, meaning there are 2.5 pieces per square inch. TINY. Extremely small jigsaw. Operated by the Keebler elves maybe.

While picking through the puzzle pieces, I was also thinking about some uncertain parts of my life. I would like resolution. I would like answers or explanations. I would like them to be how I would like them to be. Now would be nice.

The frame of the puzzle seemed to be coming together, until I realized some pieces were missing. Not gone, just mixed in with the other 900 pieces.

I know some puzzle builders would continue on and add the missing edge pieces later. But that is wrong. The frame needs to be finished before any other pieces are attached. It just does.

No, I’m not always so rigid. Just with puzzles. And cupboards. And the spice rack.

But I digress…

During the (second) search through over 75 dozen pieces (which sounds like a lot more than 900), I thought about how often I have heard people compare life to a puzzle.

You have probably heard that analogy as well. The whole picture can’t be seen until the end, things fit together as they should, you can only do one piece at a time, everything makes sense when you’re done, etc.

BLAH!

All the straight pieces were segregated and the frame was coming along. I was rather impressed with myself. Did I mention the pieces are _tiny?

The pride bubble burst when I had a gap along the bottom and two pieces that fit together, but not in the empty space.

Hmmm…

The assembled pieces all seemed to match. I don’t attach pieces until I am certain they go together. But, there was obviously a mistake. So the examination began - looking closely, removing some sections to look at them from the back, double checking the picture I had with the picture on the box.

Did I mention the pieces are small?

Halfway down the right side I found a renegade piece. Part of the mystery was solved.

The other mismatch was, logically, where the gap occurred. 

Once the mismatched pieces were exchanged, the two remaining pieces fit perfectly.

Outside edge done!

I thought again about the life/puzzle analogy. I don’t remember anyone mentioning pieces in the wrong place.

You may understand having a day when emotions are off balance. Lots of reasons and no particular reason.

I had one last week. Maybe you did too?

Regrets often pop into my head on days like that. I can go way back. In a hurry. Oh, I surely can.

How about you?

Someone who cares for me let the shoulda/woulda/coulda go on for a short time, then shared a personal choice from 25 years ago that changed life’s course.

The sharing wasn’t done for the purpose of commiserating. It was a firmly planted, loving reminder that I don’t have a corner on the shame market and thinking I do doesn’t help me or the people I love. 

In fact, shame that is allowed to fester has an unimaginable compound interest rate and it seeps into every aspect of life.

Shame can take one bad choice and turn it into a lifetime of inability to see your strengths, to identify and overcome weaknesses, and to learn from mistakes and move forward.

Shame. We all have it. Every one of us.

Every one of us has put puzzle pieces in the wrong place. Every one of has pushed two mismatched pieces together.

Sometimes we do it unknowingly.

Sometimes we do it even though the voice inside says, “Don’t do it. It doesn’t fit. Just don’t do it.”

It happens. And it’s okay.  

Even if it is impossible to take the pieces apart and put them in the right place, it’s still okay. Unless shame gets a foothold.

Life is like a puzzle. We pick through a lot of pieces, find ones that match, build a corner. Then we move to another corner and build more. Sometimes a portion of the middle comes together easily when we weren’t even sure what we were seeing. Sometimes we leave parts we don’t like, hoping someone else will come along and put them in place. Sometimes a part is so frustrating we have to step away and focus elsewhere.

And through the entire process, we get to choose. Sometimes we like our choices. Sometimes our choices offer opportunity to learn.

And it’s all okay.

You might wonder how I can say that. 

You might not believe mistakes are okay. 

You might think your shame is deserved because your misplaced pieces were too hurtful to overcome.

Hear these words from the prophet Jeremiah:

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you [and approved] of you (1:5)

Do you hear it?

Long before you were a physical human being, you were a spiritual being known by AND approved of by the Creator of the entire universe.

Nothing you do is a surprise to the One who knew you before you had a physical form.

Does that resonate with you? 

Can you say that out loud and BELIEVE it?

I can. At long last.

In spite of the mismatched pieces, in spite of how long it takes me to put certain parts together, in spite of how many times I sit and stare at the puzzle without putting a single piece in the right place, I am known and approved of and loved by the Creator.

So are you. 

Shame can cover that, but the truth remains.

Good news indeed.

I’m heading back to the puzzle table.

We will talk again soon…

BP J

Beth Painter is, among many other things, a writer and motivational speaker. You can follow her on Facebook on the “Think Big focus small” page.

Beth is available to speak to your group about how to make your dreams and desires come to life!