The universe often provides delightful surprises for me. Is that true for you?
This appeared in one of our flower gardens while we were in the Happy Valley last weekend. The surprise is not that I didn’t plant sunflowers – our bird friends have been prolific sowers of tomatoes, corn, and flowers. According to the calendar, however, sunflower season peaked several weeks ago.
Some might call it a late bloomer, but I don’t.
More about that in a bit.
Linda (with whom I share a home) won two PSU/Pitt football tickets, two nights’ lodging, and a shopping spree at Lion’s Pride, a State College gift shop. WOO HOO!!!
A 52-hour whirlwind of women’s volleyball, tailgates, a storm delay, football in intermittent rain, shopping, driving around campus, pictures at the Lion statue, and 2.5 hours of driving on each end.
The Creamery line was half a block long, so no ice cream, but we did bring stickies home.
It was a fun, exhausting weekend. Sunday evening, the sunflowers helped me see the experience in a different way.
Do you have a regret you have carried for years? A rock pressing on your chest that has been there so long it feels like a part of your anatomy? One that has been anchored by the opinions of others?
Three months after graduating high school, I attended my first class at Penn State. It was the only school to which I applied, and I declined to attend any campus other than University Park. It was the only place I wanted to be. After 4+ years, I left without a degree. I felt lots of ways about that, including numb. That is a story for another day.
Eventually, I earned a B.S. from Geneva College and a M.S. from Chatham University. Neither brought a sense of accomplishment.
The rock pressed on.
Two degrees could not silence the words that continued to ring in my head from decades before. “Penn State was a waste of time and money…Why didn’t you succeed when you are so smart?...What will your life be?...Let’s hope you are a late bloomer!”
So much energy has been spent trying to hide this “failure.” While I am a Penn Stater to the marrow, it was hard to visit. Hard to talk about my time there with any depth. Hard to interact with some of my dearest friends because they graduated and I didn’t.
Do you have a similar experience? Something you hope people will never find out about you?
A few weeks ago, six hours of my time and labor was invested in pulling weeds, adding mulch, and straightening the bricks in this flower bed. On Sunday evening, the sunflowers paid an enlightening dividend.
They aren’t late. They bloomed as soon as the weeds were gone, and they could feel the sun.
I understand.
I have been cleaning weeds out of my head and my spirit. Not overnight. Not without the help of doctors and a wonderful therapist and faithful friends and family. Often with one step up and two steps back. It has resulted in subtle growth that doesn’t always show itself immediately.
Seeing the new sunflowers made me realize my rock is gone. I did not carry it around all weekend. It did not outweigh the fun. The weeds have been pulled and are on the burn pile. My spirit is lighter and faces the sun.
One day I will have a degree from Penn State, because I want to - not because I need to prove anything to anyone.
For now, it is enough to know I am not a late bloomer.
How about you? Will you join me? Pull the weeds. Lose the rock. Enjoy the sun.
We will talk again soon.
Beth
Beth Painter is, among many other things, a writer, photographer, and motivational speaker. You can follow her on Facebook on the “Think Big focus small” page. Beth is available to speak to your group about how to make your dreams and desires come to life!
