Father Hopko, Golf, and Beth's thoughts

I have always liked inspirational sayings. Maybe it is the writer and motivational speaker in me. Maybe, at one time, it was because I was grasping for something to kick my butt into the gear I knew was possible.

Recently, I came across Fr. Thomas Hopko's "55 Maxims for Christian Living."  The list caught my eye not only because I am like inspirational thoughts and am a Christian, but because religion seems to be playing a sizable role in the current political landscape.

To me, each item on the list is succinct. Then I began to wonder what others might see in this list - people who profess a different religion, or no religion, or those who believe in Jesus but aren't church-goers? Would they see the actions of Christians they know on this list? Would they see my actions?

In the coming weeks, I will blog about each item on Fr Hopko's list. Not in a heavy-duty theological tone. Light and REAL and, hopefully, fun! Here we go...

1. BE ALWAYS IN CHRIST

Talk about starting off with a big task! Volumes have been written about this subject. "What does it mean to be in Christ?" returned 3.6 million results on Google. So I took notes, compared notes, puzzled and puzzled 'til my puzzler was sore. Finally, I went back to basics.

2 Corinthians 5:16-17

So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view...Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

More clear now?

BE ALWAYS IN CHRIST. Be the new creation He made...Which made me think about my golf lessons.

I started golfing at 26, after years of slow-pitch softball, backyard wiffle ball, basketball and tennis. Influenced by those sports, this was my golf routine: stand behind the ball and visualize a Tiger-like shot, address the ball (Hello ball! I am going to smack you), let the trouble begin. My "swing"was an inconsistent mess of arms, body manipulations, no torque. The results range from great to something a toddler could do, and everything in between. No control over the flight path or distance. Basically swat and pray.

Thus the lessons. I love the game too much and am too competitive to settle for mediocrity.  Thankfully, my instructor recognizes the analytical part of me and teaches to it - power in angles, in torque, in using the ground...the simplicity of two hip turns and an arm circle...the erasing of confusing terms such as keeping your eye on the ball, keeping your head down, lifting up - ideas that don't illustrate the golf club motion at all.

Last week, my instructor was trying to explain the downswing and follow through in a way that helped me stop "swinging" the club at the ball...hip rotation, uncoiling, staying in the proper plane. Then BAM!            My A-ha moment happened!

"Essentially, I need to get myself out of my own way, and let the club do its job??"

"R-I-I-G-G-HHT!!!"

 Simple. Not easy.

Not unlike being in Christ.

If only the old was gone, just like that. POOF! If only I could watch my instructor's golf swing, watch Tiger's golf swing, and change my swing accordingly.

If only my entire being was new, consumed by LoveJoyPeacePatience.

But sometimes I am FearAngerUnrestIntolerance instead.  How about you?

The challenge with my golf swing is that during this reconstruction, I continue to play. The result is sometimes new, mostly an odd mixture, very occasionally all old.

Same challenge with life. We don't get to go somewhere until we embody that new creation. We must continue living while we evolve.

Each morning, before my feet hit the floor, I give my day to God. I give my will over to His will. I visualize truly being in Christ, living out that new creation. You might do the same.

Then I get out of bed.

My heart's desire is to be a living witness to the great Good News, an invitation to those who don't know the power of His saving grace and love.

The reality is often a mixture of old, new/old, new. Sometimes I am that invitation. Other times, even though His love is unconditional, I know He is glad I don't have a fish magnet and an I LOVE JESUS bumper sticker.  

How about you? Same same?

Think about what could happen if each of us who profess Christ made one vow each morning: to be witnesses to what Love has done for us, to show the Fruit of the Spirit so well that everyone lined up to get their own.

Each of us. Individually.

Not group efforts to abolish this sin or that sin. Not meetings and rallies to promote our political agendas.

Simply BE ALWAYS IN CHRIST.

Get out of my own way. Get out of Christ's way. Put myself in position and let HIM do the work.

Imagine what could happen...

Sole Deo Gloria!

We will talk again soon...

BP :)

HERE - Five Minute Friday

I recently subscribed to a blog by Lisa-Jo Baker. On Friday, she provides a prompt for an exercise called Five Minute Friday. http://lisajobaker.com/2012/08/five-minute-friday-here/

Here are the rules:

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..

This is my response to the prompt HERE. Enjoy!

"Here" is not a place I like much right now.

Even though the sun is shining brightly, "Here" seems very dark - relentlessly so.

"Here" is financial difficulty that was to be resolved six months ago.

"Here" is a dear friend taking chemo AGAIN.

"Here" is Mom having health issues.

"Here" is dreams that seem like they will never come true, even though they are my heart's desires.

"Here" is unanswered emails, phone calls, letters...prayers?

And yet...

"Here" is where God resides. I AM. Not I WAS or I WILL BE. Simply I AM.  

"Here" is where I find how much I believe that all things work together for His good.

ALL things...for God's Glory

"Here" seems too hard.

And yet, "Here" is dynamic, constantly changing, always moving toward a new "Here."

"Here" is where God wants me to dwell. Not back there...Not up there.

Right "Here."   

Bullies, Politicians, Me. Same same?

Wikipedia defines it as " a form of aggressive behavior manifested by the use of force or coercion to affect others, particularly when the behavior is habitual and involves an imbalance of power."


Bullying.

It is a national epidemic. Take a look at these horrifying statistics:

• Over half, about 56 percent, of all students have witnesses a bullying crime take place while at school.

• A reported 15 percent of all students who don't show up for school report it to being out of fear of being bullied while at school.

• Along that same vein, about one out of every 10 students drops out or changes schools because of repeated bullying.

• One out of every 20 students has seen a student with a gun at school.

• Some of the top years for bullying include 4th through 8th graders in which 90 percent were reported as victims of some kind of bullying.

• Other recent bullying statistics reveal that 54 percent of students reported that witnessing physical abuse at home can lead to violence in school.

• Among students of all ages, homicide perpetrators were found to be twice as likely as homicide victims to have been bullied previously by their peers.

• There are about 282,000 students that are reportedly attacked in high schools throughout the nation each month.

And this fact: Suicide continues to be one of the leading causes of death among children under the age of 14.

I grew up the only child of a single mom. Money was scarce. Still, I don't remember feeling "different" until Junior High. That's when clothes and shoes and purses and backpacks started to matter. In high school, the bag I took to tennis tournaments had to double as my basketball bag, and girls - teammates no less - made fun of it. I hated getting in trouble, so I didn't break rules - didn't drink or swear or smoke. And some people made fun of that. What I took away from that experience is that kids are mean. They always have been, probably always will be. I saw and heard other kids being teased. I probably engaged in teasing. But not to the extreme level that exists today.

The rise of cyber/social media has taken this kind of teasing to a higher, more critical level. it is SO very easy to send a nasty text, to join in when others are on Facebook slamming someone. It is remote and removed. You don't hear sobs or see pained looks.

Adults have responded by rallying behind a movie that depicts this horror for one young man, by starting online and realtime support groups, by selling T shirts and promoting "Wear this color to oppose bullying" days. All of which is appropriate.

What is inappropriate is the example we set.

This has been on my mind since last week, when I realized I was being a bully. Yes, I was.

My disdain for the political views of Sen. Rick Santorum, and those of his ilk, is obvious. In my opinion, his views are extreme, his personality both arrogant and mean-spirited. I have posted remarks on Facebook that are rather bully-ish regarding him and other politicians.

It isn't a lie when I say my intention is to counteract what I see as lies or, at the very least greatly manipulated tales, from opposing views. My intention is to present another view.

To which my grandmother would say, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." And she would be correct. My intention is irrelevant when the outcome is a form of bullying.

Listen to people around you. Check your social media sites. Watch the news. Read a few internet articles. The world is full of bullies!

We label people, put them in boxes we have filled with anger. Libs. Tea baggers. Radical Right. Bleeding hearts. Queer. Baby-killers. Entitlement-seekers. Elitists. Etc etc etc...

Every side does it. Every group has rabid haters who want to label the opposing group. And those of us who are generally mild-mannered, people of faith, people who would never set out to purposely hurt someone? Well, we join right in, don't we!

We are snarky about people, judging hair, clothes, relationships, weight gain or loss. We whisper about them in the grocery store and in church: "Did she NOT look in the mirror this morning??"

How can we expect our kids to be any different?

We put celebrities, especially athletes, on pedestals, then we can't wait to tear them down. When Joe Paterno passed, the reaction of some people was truly appalling to me. People who had read nothing in-depth about the tragedy at Penn State, who knew nothing about the University or Coach Paterno's incredible contributions to academics, people who haven't made a point to pay attention to the story since. And yet, they felt justified in posting incredibly nasty remarks about a man who had just died.

Very few of us who call ourselves Steeler Nation know Ben Roethlisberger personally. Certainly, we are entitled to irritation when our Pro Bowl quarterback/team leader makes stupid choices in public. We don't want to pay large amounts of money to watch a guy who, at least for that moment, clearly displayed a complete lack of character.

Are we also entitled to say things like, "He is nothing but a serial rapist," or "How could that woman be stupid enough to marry him?" The people making these statements don't know Ben or his wife. But we judge long and hard.

How can we expect our kids to be any different?

We scold our kids when they poke at each other, or torment with words, or draws lines on back seats and say "Don't cross that!"

So why do Rush Limbaugh, Bill Maher, and others like them whose primary purpose is to stir controversy, have millions of faithful followers?

And we do likewise. Sharing items on Facebook before we check their validity. Being critical when we only know some of the facts. Posting statements we know for certain will cause a firestorm.

How can we expect our kids to be any different?

Kids are the best mirrors we have for our behavior and attitudes. They hear our road rage, our murmurings on the way out of church, our critique of the neighbors. They see our posts about political candidates, their wives, their supporters.

They hear us say the boss is stupid, no matter how many different bosses we have - and we wonder why they have trouble keeping a job at McDonald's.

They hear us say teachers are paid too much, only work 3/4 of the year, and have an easy job - and we wonder why they are disrespectful in school.

They hear us being negative about the church, the pastor, other religions, the outlook for our own lives - and we wonder why we have to drag them out of bed on Sunday morning.

They hear is being bullies of a different kind - and they act in accordance with that.

Any of those touch a nerve with you?

Am I exaggerating? Using hyperbole to make a point? Out in left field?

Fair enough. All I ask is that you are mindful, for just 48 hours, of bully-like remarks, actions, posts. Your own and others. Just listen and look. You will be surprised.

So how can we expect our kids to be any different?

We can stop this epidemic of bullying. It will take a variety of paths and a multitude of people standing firm. I will donate money and wear a T shirt.                                                                                                       I will gladly be a motivational speaker, free of charge, at any event which helps kids being bullied.                I will keep praying.

But first and foremost, I will stop any action of my own that remotely resembles bullying.

What about you? Will you join me? Can we think before speaking or posting? Can we ask: Is it kind, is it true, is it necessary, and does it improve the silence?

Imagine what could happen if we did that? If we stopped labeling, stopped berating each other in cyberspace, stopped criticizing based on false or partial information, stopped antagonizing?

Imagine what could happen if we speak against people who continue to be bullies?

And just imagine how differently we might see our children acting.

Have fun being kind!

We will talk soon.

BP :)

Online tests, flexibility, and the One in charge

I enjoy taking personality tests -you know, the online or magazine versions that are fun, albeit less than psychologically sound. Do you?


For me, the results change very little no matter what is going on in my life. And there are always a couple questions that draw laughs or disagreements from people who know me. Same with you, right?

Okay, so I am late more than I am on time. But I am getting better! The challenge is that my mind always believes there is one more task I can accomplish before I leave. Some folks are ready long before it is time to go, then they sit. I rarely sit, so that is a problem for me. And for some of you...fess up!

How about the question regarding your need to make plans, stick to a set course, adapt to changes, or fly by the seat of your pants?

We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps. Prov 16:9

The past two weeks months years have taught me that life is ever-changing, unpredictable, and does not conform to my timetable. Of course, I knew that before. In my head. Apparently, not in my gut.

Recently I spoke of a situation which needed resolution. The blog surprised the few people who know about the situation, because I have not written about it previously, and had vowed not to until it was over.

I thought it was close to being resolved. It wasn't.

We can make our plans...

Many plans have fallen through in the past two years. Most times I have been able to say, "Oh well" and believe it just wasn't God's design. Part of my testimony has been that I have learned to accept God's timing without lots of drama.

When the resolution seemed close two weeks ago, I didn't make a lot of tangible plans with people - still hesitant to do that - but I did look forward to a feeling of relief, of not having to constantly think about this, of no longer spending days waiting for one of the parties to take some action, only to be disappointed again. But that hasn't happened yet.

There have been some dark days in the past two weeks. Moments when God absolutely dragged me through the hour or day. Moments of feeling like there is an elephant on my chest, like it hurts to breathe.

Have you been there? I think you have.

Quick side note: If you are a person who tries to help (or maybe displays your own frustration) by saying there are people who have worse problem, stop it. Of course there are. But your dismissive scolding won't snap anyone out of what is very real pain at the moment. Thank you.

Clearly, I hadn't learned to release as much as I thought I had. Even though I have started each day with a decision to not get excited until the final action is taken. Even though I stopped making plans and promises, so no one is disappointed.

We can make our plans...

I had so many plans for this spring. Lots of adventures, lots of Ohio State Buckeyes softball games, lots of blessings piled on people I love, lots of Pittsburgh Pirates baseball, lots of good stories written, lots of great stuff. But I have struggled in this no-resolution-zone as very little of what I planned has come to pass.

Is that a lesson in handling disappointment...or a lesson in timing? Maybe my ideas were wonderful, maybe they will be appropriate later...but now wasn't God's time?

We can make our plans...

In the midst of a painful situation, it is sometimes hard to remember that most of what happens is not really about me. WHAT??? Yes, it's true. It's not about you, either.

Certainly there are lessons to be learned. But, life is hard, people are selfish sometimes, businesses often care more about making money than about people, drivers are sometimes careless, disease is never a respecter of persons...and, despite all of this, God is in charge. He loves me, He wants the best for me...but much of what happens in my world on any given day is more about what others need and what others have done. My job is to trust Him and respond appropriately!

We can make our plans...

This blog has been a struggle. I started it several days ago with the intention of discussing how I am still waiting. Lots of examples of other people enduring a waiting season came to mind, but nothing was falling in place.

Last night, as I laid in bed praying, a worship song came to mind. I quietly sang it, then continued praying. Another worship song in my head. Sang that, continued praying. Then this one: "I will make my plans Lord, but You direct my steps."

I fell asleep repeating that one line.

And I woke up knowing what this blog was really about, what these weeks/months/years still have to teach me.

It isn't that God doesn't want me to make plans. He doesn't want a robot who is waiting to be pushed around.

What He wants is to always be my focus. I think He loves softball and baseball. Of course, He wants me to have fun, to write good stories, to be a blessing, to relax...He is a good God who loves me.

But allowing Him to direct my steps - without histrionics, without pouting, without anger, without demanding explanation - is vital for my best life. He knows what I need, what you need, what the stranger who crosses your path needs. And He works it all out.

We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps. Prov 16:9

He knows what is best. He just does. And life would be much easier if I could get my fat head to remember that.

How about you? Are you making plans?

We will talk again soon!

BP

Light and Momentary, Buckeye Softball, and Waiting

I have been consumed lately by waiting.


Is there something consuming you?

For 2.5 years I have been waiting for resolution to a particular challenge. Whether that is a "long" wait is a matter of perspective. Maybe you have waited longer for something. Maybe you can't imagine waiting that long for anything.

One day I will have an entire book to write about this situation. But, for now, suffice it to say this is a financial matter that has strapped me and several people close to me.

These words come to mind often: For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. (2 Corinthians 4:17)

Last Saturday was the opening of the Big Ten softball season. My favorite team has been waiting for this day since May 14, 2011, when they finished the season at 3-17 in league play. The 2011 season was frustrating and heartbreaking for many reasons. The tourney season has been successful - but this is what the team has been anticipating most. Dominating the Big Ten and going to the post-season is what will make their comeback complete.

I am anticipating a comeback as well. The first two years of my journey have been difficult, to say the least. Financial hardships, mental strain, fighting off fear, humbling myself to accept help.

The last six months have been completely consuming. Truly. Every aspect of my life, every relationship, everything I do has been under the control of a resolution that has been promised but not yet delivered. "Tomorrow" and "soon" are words that no longer have meaning to me. Initially, I had to break many plans...then I quit making plans altogether. I declined invitations to parties, weddings, showers. I missed basketball games, movies, and dinners with friends.

Light and momentary. Light and momentary.

The situation has become too complicated to explain, and naysayers are not what I need, so my interactions recently have been limited to either folks who stand with me in believing this will resolve in my favor, or those who know nothing about it and are not affected in any way. This has made life stressful and lonely.

Light and momentary. Light and momentary.

Have you had a period of waiting with just a couple friends at your side? Or maybe alone, just you and God?

I missed the B1G season opener Saturday in Columbus. Just as I missed every tourney, despite having plans to attend at least three. It is impossible to list every event I have missed, due either to lack of funds or to waiting at home for a promised call that has fallen through. Missed opportunities, broken promises, strained relationships.

Light and momentary. Light and momentary.

Have you ever been told something would happen on a certain day, then it doesn't? Have you had that happen again and again for 6 months running? Then you know how I feel. Hopes rise and fall. You see a light at the end, then a door slams or the tunnel changes direction. It is maddening and exhausting.

Light and momentary. Light and momentary.

There have, of course, been many lessons. It is good to learn the difference between "want" and "need" and between "uncomfortable" and "desperate."

It is even better to learn how to completely surrender to God. I thought I had learned that. I was wrong. It has only been in the past 6 months I have been able to say, "Okay, God - I don't understand and I want to be SCARED out of my mind...but I know you love me more than I can imagine and won't let me go."

There have been great lessons in humility. Also lessons in being gentle with others, as I realize I don't know their travails any more than they know mine. But it has still been difficult.

Light and momentary. Light and momentary.

The Buckeyes played well in the first game on Saturday, and won in extra innings. Timely hits, one harmless error, only 2 runners left on base in scoring position. Game two was a different story. Three errors leading to runs, 8 runners left in scoring position, 4-1 loss.

In a recent interview, Vanessa Spears, Buckeye left fielder - who, by the way, covers an amazing amount of ground - said one of the important things Coach Linda Kalafatis teaches is that no single game defines them as a team or as individual players.

It is an important lesson in softball and in life. No at-bat, no error, no game, not even a whole season, can adequately define a team or a person. You can be shaped and made better...but not necessarily defined or defeated.

And so it is in life. This season of my life could have destroyed me. Every morning when a new day is tossed my way, I could stand with the bat on my shoulder and watch it go by, leaving the outcome to someone else. There have certainly been many errors on my part - some that allowed my opponents to gain. I have allowed opportunities to pass by, left runners in scoring position so to speak. And I could have allowed this to define me, to defeat me, to alter my future.

Instead, after much practice, I have learned to repeat this phrase that frees me:

Light and momentary. Light and momentary.

How about you?

What do you have that looks menacing and life-changing? What if you learned to repeat:

Light and momentary. Light and momentary.

What if you really believed it?

The Buckeyes are back in action on Wednesday for a doubleheader. I hope to be there.

It will be a new day, new inning, new at bat for all of us.

Maybe you can start a new game as well?

We will talk again soon.

BP :)

Robin Roberts, Buckeye Softball, and the Gap

March 16. Out my window, clouds. Inside, cloudy as well.


There are days when the gap between where I want to be and where I seems HUGE. Today is one such day.

Maybe you know what I mean?

Nothing in particular spurs that feeling...simply a general malaise brought on by some stressful life situations.

There was a time when the gap was caused by FEAR. Growing up, I had very clear ideas about who and what I wanted to be. But I never fully believed in myself. So I let doubts creep in, and I acquiesced to every obstacle. FEAR

Did you catch what I said? I did not believe in myself, in the gifts God has given me. I didn't want to fail, so I chose not to try. FEAR

Do you know what I mean? Have you been there?

My favorite softball team is in Nashville this weekend, looking to bounce back from a three game losing streak. There is a gap between where they are, and where they want to be. But I am certain the Ohio State Buckeyes are not moping or cowering or giving in to FEAR.

Is it because Head Coach Linda Kalafatis and I are wired differently? That seems like the easy answer.

I knew I wanted to be a teacher when I was in elementary school. An English teacher. And I knew, as a child, that one day I would speak and write and people would listen to what I have to say, would be helped by my words. I can't explain how I knew this by the age of 10...I just knew it, saw it, felt it.

Coach K shared with me that she tried out for the softball team in high school because her best friend did. Chose her college the same way. She wasn't driven from an early age to be a softball coach. Some experiences in college resonated in her mind: things she would or would not do as a coach to get the best from players. Then, somewhat unexpectedly, she earned the chance to coach. 22 year old grad student, coaching her alma mater.

I don't yet know Linda well enough to speak of any fears she has. But it is very clear that she goes full speed ahead in all pursuits. If she has any fears, there are overrun - pretty much flattened! She decided to be a Division 1 softball coach, put that goal in her mind, and her focused actions cleared the path. Three job interviews, three offers, now one of the 30 best coaches of all time, closing in on 800 career victories. NO FEAR

The same thoughts occur when watching Robin Roberts on Good Morning America. She had a goal to be on ESPN when there were few women on the network, and none that looked like her. But she ignored all the "facts" and negative comments along the way. Now, after 15 years at ESPN, she has moved on to ABC and is watched by 5 million people every morning. NO FEAR

So what is the difference? Are some people special and some aren't? No, we are all gifted.

Then why are some able to jump the gap, and others become mired in it?

We could delve into psychological theories and deep introspection about childhood influences, etc. But that doesn't work. Trust me, I tried it for years. Got me nowhere.

Then I embraced the truth of 2 Timothy 1:7 (NLT)

For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline

Some translations say "sound mind" or "wisdom" rather than self-discipline.

It's a scripture I had heard or read hundreds of times...which is completely different from embracing it.

Embracing it means accepting that if there is fear, I choose it, allow it, maybe welcome it. Welcome? Sure, because fear encourages me to accept limits and make excuses. FEAR gives me an out. FEAR can start a pattern of circular logic that keeps my mind and emotions spinning, undermining my will and my dreams.

I spent years thinking about, talking about, trying to expel the "demons" that kept me from doing what I knew I should be doing. You've probably never done that.

I focused on why I hadn't done it yet, what was holding me back, how I was different from others, what was wrong with me...ad nauseum

Until the day I embraced this beautiful, painful truth: God never gives anyone a spirit of FEAR, but He won't stop me if I choose FEAR.

I am no more wired for FEAR than Linda Kalafatis or Robin Roberts. The difference is I have, at times, chosen FEAR, allowed it to make decisions for me, allowed it to encourage me to wallow in the gap rather than pushing out and carrying on.

The past two years have been ones of tremendous personal growth through a difficult circumstance. At this point, I can honestly say I FEAR nothing on this Earth.

Now my task is to eradicate the mess FEAR left behind. And I am, bit by bit.

How about you? Has FEAR left a mess somewhere in your life?

The Ohio State Buckeyes are starting a new winning streak today. NO FEAR in their hearts, minds or dugout!

And somewhere between the second line of this blog and this line, I stopped whining about and wallowing in the gap.

Time to close that gap. Bit by Bit.

Maybe you will join me.

We will talk again soon.

BP :)

The Word became a human and lived among us. We saw His true glory—the glory that belongs to the only Son of the Father—and He was full of grace and truth. John 1:14


If you read my blog on Ash Wednesday, you know I made a few promises. Two people at church reminded me of the 40 blog commitment.

I don't make promises often because they are so much easier to make than keep- even with the best intention. On the other hand, promises keep us accountable. I willingly obliged myself to that. Promises of completed blogs and lost pounds and a closer walk.

What I sometimes forget is that I have the greatest power in the Universe willing to help me keep my promises.

Do you ever forget that?

I made You promises a thousand times


I tried to hear from Heaven, but I talked the whole time


I think I made You too small...


If You touched my face would I know You?


Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

In Palm Springs, CA the weather this weekend will be 80 degrees and sunny. The Ohio State Buckeyes will enjoy good weather for their softball tournament! Here in Western PA...yeah, weather not so much like that.

Of course, we do have sunny days in the 80's. But the sun looks and feels different depending on where you are. Have you noticed that? Since I have not yet been west of the Mississippi River, West Coast sun is unfamiliar to me. I had hoped to be in Palm Springs to see the tourney, and I was so looking forward to CA sunshine! Life had different plans.

What do I know of You who spoke me into motion?


Where have I even stood but the shore along Your ocean?

For ten Buckeyes, California is home - and they are delighted to be there! Visiting California will be exciting for me, but I will never know the state and the culture like those girls do. They speak of CaliSWAG, and I get what they mean, but I can't feel it.

In the same way, I laugh when people from warm climates say how much they love snow. But if you spent your life in the South or Southwest, you don't know snow. You don't know shoveling and cleaning cars and driving in it for several months a year.

Which brings me back to the Scripture verse, and to promises...

There are many places I want to see; California, Greece, Italy...I have read about all of them. But reading about them and being there, knowing them, are entirely different.

I have read many books about Jesus, seen movies, participated in Bible studies, sat in church every Sunday for many years.

Does that mean I know Him? Do you know Him? REALLY know Him?

What do I know of Holy? What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?


And a God who gave life its name?


What do I know of Holy? Of the One who the angels praise?


All creation knows Your name on earth and heaven above, What do I know of this love?

The Word - Jesus - became a human being and came to live with us. Say it out loud. He wasn't content want to watch from His throne. He wanted to be where we are. Do you get that?

The "living with us" part isn't past tense. He wants to know us. Me and you. Your partner, your kids, the politicians you despise, the athletes you love.

The people who walked with Him on this Earth had the opportunity to see his true Glory, had the chance to experience his love and grace first-hand. But so do we!

God's promises to us are as real today as the day He made them. And He is always faithful.

The cool thing is that He is willing to help us in every way. When I make a promise to write 40 blogs in 40 days, He will help. When I make a promise to lose 20 pounds in 40 days, He will help.

When you make a promise to spend more time with your family, or rid your home of "stuff" or read the Bible daily, He will help.

If we let him...you knew there was a catch.

I know in the next 40 days, I am going to turn on the TV, and He will nudge me...40 blogs? Or maybe I will reach for chips in the store and get a little shock... 20 pounds?

People say they don't hear or feel nudges like that, but I know He does that. And here is the hard truth...for a long time, I didn't feel it because I didn't pay attention. How about you? OUCH ??

Then I caught a glimpse of who you might be,


The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

I can still choose not to pay attention, but I won't.

I won't because I have seen his hand, have seen Him work in my life, have been a recipient of His grace.

I don't want to just read about California - I want to be there.

I don't want know who Jesus is - I want to know Him.

How about you?

Maybe we can help each other in the next 38 days.

We will talk again soon...

BP :)

Lent, Buckeye Softball, and Hunger

I am hungry today.


As far as my stomach goes, that is a rather subjective statement, because I don't truly know what physical hunger feels like. You probably don't either. Not really.

But I am giving some types of food up for Lent - and my spoiled body is protesting. In truth, I could survive for days (weeks?) on water and my stored food....that is a nicer term than "fat"

There are other things for which I am hungry. How about you? Think about it...

My favorite softball team is hungry too. The Ohio State Buckeyes opened the season Feb 10-12, in Clerton FL, by going 2-3. More highs than lows, lots of reason for optimism, just a few difficult innings. In Las Vegas last weekend, they lost their first game, then went on a 4 game rip. Let's hope what happens in Vegas doesn't stay in Vegas this time!

The Ohio State softball program is rich in tradition and success. Head coach Linda Kalafatis is a brilliant motivator and strategist. She has 785 wins for her career, putting her in an elite class. Coach K has lead the Buckeyes to a Big Ten Championship and six appearances in the NCAA Tourney. Ali Viola, assistant head coach, was a three time All-American and a Women's Professional League champion. Danielle Henderson, pitching coach, was a three time All-American and Olympic Gold Medalist. Winning is the expectation at Ohio State.

Can you identify with being part of a company or group or team that is highly successful? Can you relate to MoJo, the SWAG, that comes with that. It is a confidence, a sense of calm, a knowing that even if the ships lists, it will be righted. It is a GOOD feeling.

The 2012 Buckeyes are hungry to get that back. 2011 was an anomaly. Injuries and other challenges lead to only the second losing season in Linda Kalafatis' career.

So the team heads to Palm Springs this week at 6-4... the first time over .500 since the 2010 season. That year, the Buckeyes started off with a loss in a Houston tourney, then won 4 in a row! (Sounds familiar!) They went on to finish 39-14 and advance to their fourth NCAA regional appearance in 5 years, despite having only 2 pitchers by season's end.

The 2012 Buckeyes are hungry. There are six players who were Buckeyes in 2010 - they know how winning feels and are hungry to feel it again. Another seven players experienced 2011, with its 13-37 record, as their first year at OSU- they are hungry to get last year's taste out of their mouths and taste winning. And there are nine newcomers who are hungry to start a new winning streak for Buckeye softball. HUNGRY!

What are you hungry for? What are you going to do about it?

Sometimes when I am hungry, my wishbone is very active. I wish I had more money...I wish I was in better shape...I wish I blah blah blah.

You know what I mean. I know you do.

The 2012 Buckeyes are relying on backbone, not wishbone. They have worked hard in the off-season and in the weight room. They have built camaraderie and a sense of purpose...all under the guidance of an excellent coaching staff.

The 2012 Buckeyes have reacted to their hunger by making a decision....a decision to devote every effort necessary to winning...a decision to BELIEVE without wavering...a decision to stick together as a team with a mission.

Which brings me back to Lent and my hunger...yes, thank you, in my ADD mind, it does bring me back there.

I rarely have physical hunger.

I do, however, have a hunger to be in better shape physically. I have a hunger to simplify my world by getting rid of a bunch of "stuff" I don't need. I have a hunger to make sure all my thoughts run through a Brita-like filter, so I can encourage others with positive energy. I have a hunger to finish the book I have started, and to write a daily blog that speaks to people in a helpful way.

And I have a hunger for Jesus to be more real, more present in everything I do, every moment of my day. So, on this Ash Wednesday, I will make my way to church. Like the Ohio State Buckeyes, I do better with a team of like-minded supporters.

But I still must make a decision about each of my hungers. I must decide to want weight loss more than I want chips, and firm muscles more than I want to sleep or sit on the couch.

I must decide to want simplicity more than I want that special thingy that so-and-so bought that I haven't touched for years but might need next week.

I must decide that because my thoughts become things, I better choose wisely. And because words can either uplift or destroy, I must decide to either lift up or shut up.

I must decide that writing, which I know has its source deep in my being, must be more important than television or cleaning (ouch that's a hard one) or Words With Friends (another hard one).

But the hunger has to be real. I have to want it as much as I want to breathe, more than I want to eat or sleep, more than I want a spotless house with no dirty laundry.

How about you? What hungers do you have? What will you do about it?

The 2012 Buckeyes have a hunger to win...and I can't wait to watch the season play out, and their dream come true.

I have made a decision about my hungers. Ash Wednesday is a great day to start. 40 blogs, 20 pounds off, a finished draft of my book, each day closer to Jesus...all by Easter, April 8.

You can follow how I am doing, and how the Buckeyes are doing, by reading my blogs. Follow me on Twitter (BethPainter1123) - you don't want to miss out!

And think about your hungers...share them if you like.

We will talk tomorrow!

BP :)

Falling Apart, Withering Plants, Falling Together

Sometimes things have to fall apart so better things can fall together.


I spent an hour last Monday pruning my Tradescantia zebrina, aka Wandering Jew. Started from clippings from another plant, this one has never been as full as the one from which it came. A foot below the soil, the branches and leaves were vibrant. But, at soil level, the branches were weak, and the leaves were like thin brown paper.

Initially, I worked very gently, pulling off dead leaves, tugging gingerly to determine which branches I could remove. I had a small waste can beside me.

That lasted about 10 minutes...at which point it was clear a complete overhaul was needed. The kitchen garbage can replaced the smaller one.

There was some trepidation as so much of the plant fell to the floor. Surely, there would be some branches strong enough to stay. Parts of it looked so pretty, and it was even blooming. It's a classic dilemma - the healthy parts were beautiful, the unhealthy parts were hideous and destructive. I wanted to save what I could, separate the dead from the beautiful. But each time I pulled at a dead branch, several seemingly healthy ones fell. Very soon, the pot was empty - on the floor was a mixture of very dead and very healthy pieces.

Sometimes things have to fall apart so better things can fall together.

Understand that I had been neglecting this task for weeks. The plant is in a prominent place, and this "deadness" didn't happen overnight. Numerous times, I have noticed how bad it looked at the top. But, I just wasn't sure what to do.

So I did nothing.

Oh, don't we all know that story?!?

I don't know the techniques used by florists to make the plant full, and I was afraid I would make it worse. And maybe I didn't want to spend the time. Instead, I watched as it slowly began to die.

I know - you've been there. Maybe not with a plant, but with something.

Sometimes things have to fall apart so better things can fall together.

It is rare that anything falls apart all by itself, with no prior warning. A plant, relationship, vehicle, physical body - there are almost always warnings signs. Dead leaves, if you will.

We tell ourselves lies: Sure, that red light keeps coming on - but the car is running well. Yes, I have chest pains often, but I probably pulled a muscle. I know he/she says disrespects me in front of my friends, but there is a nice person deep inside. Yes, I see the dead leaves.

But...you don't have money or time or the heart. Isn't that your reason?

I have a friend who drives a beater. Her classic line is, "I can't take it to the garage because I'm afraid it will cost a lot." So much better to not take it and have the entire car ruined.

That's not to say we always stand by idly. Sometimes we do everything we can, and either we waited too long, or there was simply no means of prevention . At which point, we make a decision: go on as if nothing is wrong - ignore the falling apart - or make a change.

What's that you say? Yes, I know change is hard. H.A.R.D.

And here is the kicker...whether you doing something or do nothing, you have still made a decision.

Sometimes things have to fall apart so better things can fall together.

Yesterday I finally decided to take action with this neglected plant. With the pot empty, and the floor covered with pretty leaves, I had to decide if I was going to save it or bag it.

The decision was easy because the plant has special meaning to me. Besides, Wandering Jews root easily in water. And, with sufficient care, they can also regenerate in soil. I filled two large vases with water and healthy clippings. Then, using a straw, I made as many holes as possible in the dirt. The straw was sometimes met with resistance because the dirt had become compacted. Hmmmm... that isn't a good environment for plant growth, is it? Funny how you find causes once you start to clean up the mess.

I reclaimed enough healthy pieces to fill all the holes...and for the past 7 days I have been faithfully tending, making sure the soil stays wet, watching to see if those pieces are growing. I have also researched methods for fostering fuller growth, top and bottom.

Sometimes things have to fall apart so better things can fall together.

Granted, most things that fall apart aren't as easy to bring together again. But then , what value does "easy" have?

Two lessons for me:

1. Had I given the plant this much attention earlier, had I pulled dead leaves as they appeared, trimmed long branches and stuck them back in the soil, loosened the soil to promote absorption of water and air, I may have been able to save myself some work and not had to begin again.

Applicable to many parts of life, eh?

2. Even when things do fall apart, the plant isn't necessarily dead...and my life isn't necessarily over. God will still cause the sun to come up, and He will still order my steps.

I will keep you updated on how the plant grows. I believe it will be better than ever!

Sometimes things have to fall apart so better things can fall together.

We will talk again soon...

BP :)

Buckeye softball...Whitney...and BELIEVING

My favorite softball team, The Ohio State Buckeyes, opened the season in Clermont, Florida last weekend. And one of the greatest singers ever died Saturday... a tragic end full of life lessons.

I thought of one of my favorite Whitney Houston songs Sunday while following the final softball game of the weekend...

We were moving mountains long before we knew we could...There can be miracles when you believe

Though hope is frail, It's hard to kill

Who knows what miracles you can achieve

When you believe, somehow you will

You will when you believe

Whitney Houston grew up in the church, got her start as a gospel singer alongside her mother Cissy. There was little indication Whitney attended church much in the past 25 years. But she spoke in more than one interview about her love for Jesus, and she believed she was a child of God. Religious? Probably not, according to society's definition. A lover of Jesus? It seems so.

The tragic aspect of this lies in Whitney's profession of a love for God, but no love for herself. What good is it to believe God loves me, if I don't believe in myself, if I don't grab hold of that love?

Whitney fought her demons long and hard, so the following is said with no malice toward her. It is my experience that "professing without showing" is too often the case among Christians. If I tell you I am committed to working out daily, but my pant size keeps growing, are you going to follow my workout regime? Didn't think so.

If I tell you I believe in God, in His power and what it can do in my life, but you see no change, no evidence of belief, are you going to jump up and run to Bible study with me? Didn't think so. My "believing" has to be something people SEE, not something I just talk about.

Which brings us back to Buckeye softball...

The writer and softball fan in me loves the grit of a northern team that plays 25 games on the road before having a home game, the integrity that is evident in playing "The Ohio State way" (as defined by Head Coach Linda Kalafatis) and the mojo that fuels the Buckeyes.

I don't know Coach Kalafatis well. We have spoken twice, met once briefly, have mutual friends. I certainly can't speak to her faith journey.

What I do know is that she has a gift for reaching and inspiring young women... she pulls the best from them, teaches them about being a scholar and an athlete, about hard work, playing tough, winning graciously, losing with your head up but your jaw set...and doing it all as a team.

These aren't softball lessons. They are life lessons. They are lessons about believing in yourself, in your team/family, in the power of your commitment to a common goal. Lessons which can inspire and benefit all of us.

The 2012 Buckeyes have a mission - to go from Worst To First in the Big Ten. It is a challenge that will require all the lessons mentioned, as well as belief. Correction...BELIEF. From every player. In herself. In her teammates. In the coaching staff. In the midst of every game, every practice, every situation.

Truthfully, the first steps of this journey began in the disappointing 2011 season... steps taken through the frustration of watching teammates go down with injuries, irritation of losing close games, the heartache of two young ladies losing a parent - two beloved members of this family gone.

We were moving mountains long before we knew we could...

The foundation of a grand mission is built when you can walk through that kind of difficulty, keep your head up, and learn lessons. Whether we are 19 and playing softball, or 49 and playing life, the best lessons always come from the lowest times.

During those times in the pit and the climb out, belief has to walk, not just talk.
You know people, don't you, who talk about faith, trust, blah blah, then fall off the edge every time something goes wrong?
Yeah, I know them too...and it makes me scrunch up my eyebrows and say, "Hmmmm? What was all the T-A-L-K about?"

There can be miracles when you believe
Though hope is frail, It's hard to kill

Again, I know little about the source of Coach Kalafatis' inspiration. But I know she keeps her team very even-tempered, never too high or too low. And while the expectation is that they will be excellent each and every day, these kids understand there is more to a season than one game... and there is more to life than a softball season. LIFE lessons.

So here is the non-softball related point...there is a segment of our population that is highly critical of anyone whose beliefs don't match theirs exactly - in both substance and expression. This attitude is close-minded and dangerous.

I love Jesus with all my heart, I live every day in that love, and I boldly say I would not be here without His grace.

Whitney Houston knew that same love...knew it in her head, but never allowed it to break the bonds in her heart. Since her death, I have heard people criticizing her: crack-head, druggie, spoiled superstar.

And while we waste time judging her, people cross our path every day who want desperately to feel that love, to BELIEVE in who they are, in their purpose, in their worth. But they hear our criticism of others and it pushes them away, keeps them from reaching out to us.

There are folks who have the wonderful gift of inspiring people to greatness, cultivating belief in a common goal, leading and pushing us through ugly valleys until the mountain is conquered, the prize won. Maybe they don't speak the name of Jesus, or have a bumper sticker on the car. But they are affecting people in an incredibly positive way.
And some Christians would do well to imitate that.

I choose not to join in the movement to push my beliefs into the political arena, to be nasty all over social media pages above views that differ from mine, to arrogantly demand that people embrace the love of my Jesus. Certainly, the hope is that all will come to know His saving power. But hitting people with a Bible never works.

Instead, I choose to hang with folks whose arms are open, whose lives are filled with joy and peace.

I choose to spread my beliefs through kindness, with smiles and laughter.

I choose to carry my Light gently so folks like Whitney, who know about God's love but can't quite make it come alive for them, might grab hold of that love, might see that it absolutely changed my life, and can change theirs as well.

How about you? Are you walking, or just talking? Are you preaching or showing?

For the next few months, I am also going to spend glorious afternoons watching my favorite softball team on their journey to making an epic comeback. It will be a journey full of FAITH and BELIEF, and maybe a miracle or two....a team of determined young women lead by a one of the most gifted coaches in the country - a woman who, by all accounts, is gracious and kind, generous toward her players, demanding but encouraging, full of life, and good, positive energy.
Go Bucks - shine your light...it will be great fun to watch!!

Who knows what miracles you can achieve when you believe,

Somehow you will, now you will

You will when you believe

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAM2-hg7xJs&feature=related

Focus...Buckeye softball...and FEAR

This weekend is an exciting time for college softball fans - the start of the 2012 season. And equally as exciting is that my favorite college softball team practiced outside last week - yes, outside, even as January turned to February! Not a big deal for southern schools, but a welcome delight for the Ohio State Buckeyes!

If you aren't a softball fan, stick with me. This piece is about more than softball. And I will talk later about why the Buckeyes are my favorite team...

After my last blog discussed "focus", my dear friend Rebecca reminded me that distraction is often a much bigger obstacle than destruction. The Enemy (in whatever for that takes for you) doesn't have the power to utterly destroy many of us, but we can be pulled away quite easily. Distracted from our purpose. From our calling. From our joy.

You might be thinking of big distractions: illness, job loss, relationship struggles. But I contend the process of distraction is insidious, taking small, quiet steps.

As a child, there were two things I loved more than anything: music and baseball. I sang myself to sleep at night, sang as I did chores, sang as my mother and I rode in our Ford Falcon that had no radio. Similarly, I was ready to play baseball at any time. Behind our house was a cinder block building which served as my "pitch back." I stood in the alley tossing a tennis ball at that wall for hours. I had 60'6" marked off*, and would play out entire games. The roof served up fly balls. I would throw the ball at an angle so I had to run it down - still have cinders in my knees as souvenirs. Sometimes the ball would get stuck in the gutter - get the ladder from the basement, find the ball, put the ladder back, game on again! Rain or shine. Hot or cold.

Girls weren't yet allowed to play Little League, but I learned to love softball in a summer league when I was 13. No school team, no traveling team, slow pitch only. But I LOVED softball.

As a freshman at Penn State, I tried out for the team, and was the last player cut. The coach said I couldn't hit fast pitch, didn't have enough experience with the game at that pace. I cried, then left organized softball for many years.

Three years ago, my cousin was an All-Star pitcher for her high school team. Of course, I watched her play...and I started to remember. Last year I played in a recreational league. At the very first practice, that feeling came back stronger. Then I attended some Ohio State games...not far into the first game, I clearly remember thinking, "I LOVE softball."

Would I have been a great college player? Would I have decided to coach? I don't know.

But I do know the opinion of one coach should not have been allowed to push me away from a sport I loved. It wasn't her fault - it was mine. I could have asked to practice with the team, or found someone willing to pitch to me, then tried out again. Instead, I gave up.

I have never stopped singing, but I also let obstacles keep me from a greater pursuit of music. I learned to play the clarinet and saxophone with relative ease, but never applied myself. I wanted to learn piano, but we couldn't buy one or pay for lessons. Still, the community center had a piano I could have used, and I no doubt could have done enough chores for a teacher in exchange for lessons.

What held me back?

FEAR. False Evidence Appearing Real. Fear that no matter how hard I tried, what I wanted was beyond my reach.

Would I have made any impact in softball or the music world? Again, I don't know.

What I do know is the distraction of fear affected other parts of my life.

Recently, I had the delightful privilege of chatting with Ohio State softball head coach Linda Kalafatis. With a brilliant softball mind, and a special way of relating to and motivating young women, Linda has become one of the most successful coaches in the country. Her teams play with passion and purpose, and NO FEAR. In 2011, major injuries and off-field issues lead to the worst record in Linda's career...but her team never quit, never displayed anything but grit and heart. She calls it "the Ohio State way," and it is surely a valuable life lesson to all her players.

Linda's career path stands out to me. She first became a head coach as a Division II grad student at California University of PA. Five years later she moved to Div I University of Akron, and to Ohio State three years after that. At Cal, Linda decided her goal was to coach a top Division I school. She has interviewed for three coaching position, and landed every one! If she ever felt FEAR, she didn't allow it to stop her. And FEAR has no place in her locker room.

Contrast that with my journey. My original plan was to be an English teacher. But that goal was scared off by a lack of teaching jobs. FEAR. Then the softball cut lead to my not trying out for anything else at Penn State. FEAR. I didn't want to study Biology (first major) or Recreation Management (second major) but I couldn't seem to make a different decision. FEAR.

I left Penn State 15 credits short of a degree. FEAR. Took a full time job in retail just because it came along, and I didn't know what else to do. FEAR. Worked in retail 15 years, knowing full well I shouldn't be there. FEAR.

Finished my BS in Human Resources Management. Eventually took a job with Verizon Wireless. Excellent company, but still not where I should be. FEAR.

Finally, a lot of heartache, a lot of lessons, and a lot of loving support from friends and family began working together. I faced the FEAR, began digging away the layers of junk, sharpening my focus, getting back to ME. With a Master's Degree in professional writing in hand, I left Verizon Wireless to work as a part-time editor and a full time freelance writer. No guarantees. But much potential.

Has there been FEAR? Sure. Has it stopped me? Not anymore!

FEAR was a major force in my life for years. It never destroyed me, but it certainly distracted me enough that I lost focus.

How about you? Is FEAR keeping you from the purpose for which you were brought to this Earth?

No, you say, it isn't FEAR...it is lack of finances, or lack of time or lack of opportunity. In truth, all those excuses come from FEAR.

FEAR tells you that focusing on a dream will make your life worse. And FEAR lies.

FEAR says you don't deserve to focus on a dream. And FEAR lies.

FEAR says you probably won't make a difference, and, anyway, you can still do it in a few years. And FEAR lies.

I know FEAR lies because I am still here, balancing without a corporate net to catch me. Most days, I feel like the 10 year old kid I lost track of so long ago... writing stories about softball, being part of an amazing music ministry at church, FEARing nothing anymore.

How about you? What FEAR is distracting you from your purpose?

Take some time to think about it.

We will talk again soon.

BP :)





*60'6" is the distance from home plate to the pitcher's mound in baseball

Biggest Loser (and LIFE) Lessons From a Puppy

On my walk today, I saw a puppy playing in the wet grass. He was on a long leash, and the owner was watching him closely. He ran and rolled and jumped and got himself tangled. His owner patiently untangled him, just to watch him do it again. He yipped as I walked by. By the time I got around the block, the pup had exhausted himself and was lying in the sun on the sidewalk. A treat lay beside him, but he was too tired to eat, and too tired to bark at me again. I smiled at his cute puppy behavior.


But it isn't so cute when I do that. You probably do it, too.

Biggest Loser 2012 is into its fourth week for me and 60 of my closest friends. If you have been tracking with me for any amount of time, you know this is not the first BL contest for me. And the question "Why" is fair, and one I have asked myself so many times in the past year. I was a size 10 for my entire adult life, until 2004.

Seven years of wondering how I let this happen and why I can't reverse it.

I know this for sure: Carrying extra ponds is rarely about FOOD. Maybe it is about a large amount unsecured debt, or a painful relationship, or an energy-sucking job. Maybe it is simply not following your calling. Food issues (whether you are eating too much or too little) are generally about something else in your world.

I am not judging, or saying we should all be a size 10. But that is who I am, and who I will be by summer. And I am not encouraging anyone to ask the question "why" in a way that brings self-scorn or guilt.

Still, it is a question which must be asked if the situation is going to permanently change. Whether I am desiring a change in weight, or financial health, or relationship satisfaction, the first step is to determine the path that brought me here.

Which brings me back to the puppy. He was rolling and jumping and, occasionally being frustrated by the rope leash which either wraps him in a ball or jerks him back when he tries to go too far. Remember, the owner was standing guard, making sure the pup was not harmed. She untangled the rope when the pup was bound, comforted him when he ran too hard and jerked his neck. Then he was back at it again, dragging the leash behind him, never associating the cause and effect.

Do you ever do that? I know I do.

There are benevolent boundaries, a leash if you will, established by my God who made and saved me. Whether you believe in my God or not, you can't escape the fact that life has boundaries. And while I am fully aware of those limits, I cross them frequently, knowingly, and yet, maybe not understanding why.

Currently, I find myself in a position of needing to lose 50 pounds. It happened right under my nose. Literally! I can tell you why I am overweight - I took in more calories, over an extended period of time, that I burned. Not hard, is it? Probably the same reason you have extra pounds.

But overeating is just the symptom. Just like overspending is. Show of hands - who set out to be overweight and under a mountain of debt. Anybody? Uh huh...no hands.

So how did I get to be like this puppy - tangled in a leash of extra pounds, extra stress, too much fear... tired from the struggle?

The puppy is young and silly and doesn't really understand. Me? I am young at heart, sometimes silly, but able to understand...and yet, I lose focus.

Does that happen to you? Are you like me? Do you lose focus, in big and little ways?

Are you like me? Do you forget who you are, who you belong to, why you are here?

Are you like me? Do you subvert your best self in any of the ways I do?

I put food in my mouth mindlessly, out of boredom, out of habit, and forget what havoc the extra pounds wreak.

I put off exercise because my list has so many "important" items, and forget that none of those things will matter if I sacrifice my health.

On a larger scale, I get dirty in mud that others fling into my life, and forget their mud isn't about me.

I allow the wind to scare me and bring tears to my eyes, and forget I know the One who can stop the wind with one command.

I become overwhelmed with fear. Fear that I will never lose the weight. Fear that I will never get out of debt. Fear that I will never accomplish my dreams.

And I forget the One who holds my leash...the One who created me...the One who died for me...the One who has a good plan to prosper me...the One who lovingly untangles me when I stop long enough to allow it.

How about you? Are you unfocused and tangled in any area? Think about it.

I am going to sleep in the sunshine right now. We will talk again soon.

BP :)

Sweaty Fingerprints, Stars, and Bad Pictures

The sauna temperature was 139 degrees this morning when I ran my hand through my hair, then leaned on the wall. The image it left struck me.


I have certainly seen my handprint before. But have I looked at it recently?

From Wikipedia: Fingerprint identification is the process of comparing two instances of friction ridge skin impressions, from human fingers, the palm of the hand or even toes, to determine whether these impressions could have come from the same individual. The flexibility of friction ridge skin means that no two finger or palm prints are ever exactly alike in every detail.

But have I thought recently about what that means?

Doubtful. Who has time to think about fingerprints? Who has time to think at all?

When I was 10, two of my friends came up behind me as I was doing yard chores. They heard me talking, but I was alone. Susie asked what I was doing. I told her I was practicing being interviewed, because one day I was going to be very famous. They looked at each other, then at me, with puzzled faces. After a moment, Susie said, "You're weird!" And off they went.

That notion of special-ness had been with me for as long as I could remember. I always thought I would be different than the average bear, that I was not destined for a "normal" life. Had no idea what that meant, only that I felt that way.

And I remember that day in my front yard as the first time I doubted myself...because my friends doubted.

That's generally how life is. Kids start out thinking nothing is beyond reach...football superstar, homerun king, Broadway actor, being the best teacher or dentist ever. Then the world sneaks in. Friends make fun. Family says, "People like us don't do those things."

We don't disagree. We wonder if they are right. We see "normal/mediocrity" all around us, and, eventually, we believe that is our destiny.

The handprint reminded me of a prodigal spirit of uniqueness.

So did the postcard I received in the mail yesterday. My cousin Kim sent it. Her brother Kerry was sitting beside someone at a summer picnic. It took me a few seconds to realize the person with Kerry is ME.

In a flash, the postcard and sweaty handprint snapped together like puzzle pieces.

I didn't recognize myself.

I didn't recognize myself.

Sheesh...what has happened???

Quite a bit, actually. In the last two years, I have changed careers, walked through cancer with one of my dearest friends, walked through triple bypass with my mom, and had a drawn-out situation that has tested everything I know about faith, trust, strength and patience.

I have been struggling lately. Lost my swag. Misplaced my MoJo.

Has that ever happened to you?

Please understand...you are no less unique than I am. Maybe you never entertained thoughts of being well-known. But there is something you dream about doing or accomplishing. There is a star you long to reach, even if no one else will ever know you reached it.

My star is labeled "Best-selling author/highly sought-after motivational speaker/philanthropist/Blessed to be a blessing."

I have known it, literally, forever. Dreamed it. Practiced it.

And yesterday, I didn't recognize myself. My overweight, MoJo-lacking, momentarily Swag-less self.

I have allowed circumstances to cloud my vision. Circumstances. How ridiculous is that?

You can answer. You've done it too, haven't you?

You have neglected to embrace the uniqueness of the loops and swirls that belong to only you, that are never duplicated. Do you even recognize yourself anymore? Do you still see the star?

Yesterday, I didn't. Today the Light broke through. My circumstances haven't changed. My weight hasn't dropped dramatically.

But in the sweaty handprint, I could see the ten year old practicing for interviews, the kid who always knew she was destined for a BRIGHT star.

All thanks to a really bad picture of me, and a really hot sauna, and the faithful God who made, and never loses sight of, the unique unrepeatable miracle He made in me.

And in you. Look at your hand. It's all there, waiting for you to reach again for the star.

See you soon...BP :)

To Non-Staters: Careful about that pointing finger...

Consider this information from childmolestationprevention.org:


"An estimated one in 20 teenage boys and adult men sexually abuse children, and an estimated one teenage girl or adult woman in every 3,300 females molests children. Although that's well over five million people, most families mistakenly believe that as far as molesters go, there has never been one in their family, and what's more, there never will be.


If we use the conservative estimate that two in every ten little girls and one in every ten little boys are victims (based on the population reported in the 1999 U.S. Census statistical abstract) well over three million children are victims.


Take a moment to think about that. Three million children is a staggering number of children. That's 46 National Football League stadiums packed with children who are, today, being sexually abused, and who believe they have no adult to go to for help."


These are horrifying numbers. The Penn State family is deeply disturbed to have one of our own be among those numbers.

But those outside our family should not be pompously mislead. 1 in 20 men, an estimated 5 million people who are molesters? You are foolish if you think there are no molesters at your university, your church, your country club, your neighborhood.

So, will you join us in this fight or just continue to hate?

Many have expressed outrage over the support we have shown each other. You have mocked us for saying you don't understand. Our Penn State family has 557,000 alumni and 94,000 current students. When a crisis comes, a true family circles the wagons and supports each other. If you don't understand that...well, you don't understand Penn State. We aren't naive, or blind, or ignoring what has happened.

But we are a family and we are so much more than football.

We are the 43rd best university worldwide, according to the 2010 Academic Ranking of World Universities.

We are the top-ranked university according to a 2010 Wall Street Journal survey of 479 corporate recruiters who were asked to identify "whose bachelor degree graduates were the best-trained and educated, and best able to succeed once hired."

We are THON, a student-run philanthropy which has raised more than $78 million for The Four Diamonds Fund at Penn State Hershey Children's Hospital (http://www.thon.org/)

We are #ProudPSUforRAINN (Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network) and we have raised over $255,000 in less than 3 days in support of victims.

We will continue to support the young men who have worked so hard to wear the Blue and White at Beaver Stadium. They have no culpability.

99.999% of us had nothing to do with this horrific crime. None of us are victims.

We are standing together to clean house, to support the victims, to stop abuse.

What are you doing...besides hating?

To All Non-Penn Staters

We know you don't understand. Generally, we don't try to explain. Unless you are a Buckeye or Fighting Irish, you probably don't get how an institution embeds itself in a student's life. And that is fine.

But right now, we want you to know this:

We are distraught and truly sickened by this horror perpetrated on young victims by a man who represented the Blue and White, and perpetuated by others at the University. We aren't blind followers who drink Blue Kool-Aid. We grieve for and with the victims and their families. We pray for them to find healing and peace and a way to live a good life.

We know that while many people had responsibility, the most visible one almost always goes down first. We are not disputing the need for this to happen.
We are not "defending" anything. We are simply crushed and heartbroken. This is not the Penn State we love, the Penn State that is part of our being.

What you know of Joe Paterno probably comes from television or magazine articles.

We know the man who has lived in the same McKee St house for decades. We have chatted with him as he walked to practice. We have eaten ice cream with him at the Creamery. We have studied in the new library wing his money helped build. We have visited the sports museum and spiritual center he also helped build. We have seen him cheering on other Penn State athletes. We know he loves Penn State as much as we do.

Some of our friends, brothers, husbands, sons have been privileged to put on the Blue and White uniform and listen to 100,000 fans in Beaver Stadium. We know how hard they have worked, how much time they have devoted, how many of them have been part of an excellent scholar/athlete legacy...and how much they love this man and this program.

We aren't stupid or naive. We know Joe Paterno has culpability. We know he could have made different choices - he admitted that. We don't think he is God or always perfect or saintly. But he is the greatest college football coach ever, and he is PSU family, and we don't want his exit to be like this.

WE ARE...not closing our eyes, ignoring reports, pretending this isn't a wretched occurrence.
WE ARE...angry that innocents would be violated under our care.
WE ARE...in support of appropriate punishment for every person involved.
WE ARE...demanding change to a system that would allow this.
WE ARE...not concerned if you do not understand our love and devotion.

WE ARE...PENN STATE proud and we will rise again.



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Chizzie's Tale

(Note to readers: I wrote this piece several years ago, but decided to post it today in memory of my sweet Chizzie who passed yesterday at the age of 12.)

Chizzy's Tale

Jeremiah 29:11

This has always been one of my favorite Bible verses - a "life" verse. But just because I have a verse memorized and say it’s a “favorite” doesn’t mean I have fully embodied it. A wise person once told me that God’s plan has two parts, His and mine. I can’t do God’s part – and He won’t do my part. This verse is filled with promise - but do I listen? Do I obey? Do I believe?

One morning, while meditating on this passage, I received inspiration from the cat curled on my lap. Yes, God truly speaks in many ways.

Chizzie is unlike any other cat I’ve had. He is absolutely devoted to me. My friends say he is madly in love with me. And, I guess he is, as much as a cat can be.

When I pull in front of the house, he is waiting in the window, even if I am later than usual. Then he bolts to the front door and does a little dance when I come in. If I park in the garage, he’s waiting at the back door.

He follows me everywhere, and when I sit down, he is immediately on my lap, bumping his head against my arm until I pet him. If he has fallen asleep and I need to move, he doesn’t get irritated, just follows me again.

Every time I speak his name, he looks at me.

He sleeps at my side and his day starts when mine does, even when that’s 5:30am.

When he’s hungry, he waits until I go to the kitchen, then he sits at the top of the stairway leading to the lower level and stares at me. When I start to move toward him, he runs down the stairs… and when I reach the bottom he is sitting in front of the empty bowl waiting.

And I think…I need to be more like this cat!

You see, God has a plan for my life and for yours. It’s a GOOD plan.

But when God is an hour later than I expected him to be, do I still dance for joy? When I am waiting at the front door, and He comes in the back, do I run to Him – or do I let it be known that MY plan was different?

Do I follow Him through every room of my life? Are there rooms I won’t go in? Rooms which are dark and unfamiliar, and because I can’t see the plan at that moment I refuse to go in?

Yes, I do rest in His presence. But if I am comfortable, do I grumble when He says “Get up”?

Do I allow Him to be the “alarm clock” in my day or is it inconvenient to have to change my schedule to cooperate with His masterful plan?

Am I in tune with Him to the degree that I turn and look at Him each time He speaks my name?

And when I have a need, do I keep my eyes on Him? Do I wait with calm assurance knowing my bowl will be filled?

Do you?

God has a plan. It’s a GOOD plan. A plan to prosper me, a plan to give me a good future and hope for my final outcome!

And God keeps His promises. He is going to do His part.

My part is to listen for His voice, trust in His provision, follow where He leads, rest in His presence, and dance for joy.

Chizzie has it right...I should pay attention and do likewise.

Fleas and other woes I brought on myself

My dog missed getting her flea repellant last month. No big deal, right? One month. How can that hurt?


Let me tell you how...on Monday I shaved and bathed 2 twenty pound cats, stripped my bed to the mattress, then used a flea fogger. Tuesday brought another fogger application, this time in a very large closet where the cats like to sleep. On Wednesday, I bought flea spray which is now being used in addition to flea collars. The dog and I have been sleeping on the couch all week.

So yes, missing one month was a big deal after all. And it was simply negligence on my part. I do remember thinking she needed to be treated, but I wasn't home at the time. And It clearly was not made a priority in my mind.

It happens in your life, doesn't it?

We know something should be done, but it isn't convenient - or even possible - at that moment. "Forgot" is a readily used excuse, but not really valid. I remember most everything I truly want to remember. It's when I don't commit something to memory or take the time to create a reminder that I "forget."

Other times we know but simply ignore. We think other choices are more important...or that no one will know. Maybe we are busy, or it doesn't fit our mood or our needs at the moment. Sometimes we know for certain it is wrong, and we do it anyhow. Because really...what will it hurt?

Sometimes it is maintenance issues on our home, car, body, spirit. Other times it is an ethical or spiritual issue. Always, we ignore the immutable fact that sow = reap. Every time.

There is no reason for me to be irritated by the time-consuming nuisance the fleas have been..it is my own fault. Not the dog's, certainly not the cats'. All mine.

The craziness of my life could be an excuse. Unexpected work issues, unexpected health issues for family members...blah blah blah. Excuses. I knew it needed to be done and I didn't do it.

Conversely, I knew eating whatever I wanted for the past few years was unwise. But in a thousand separate moments, I justified it.

In each of these cases, I choose to do what I FELT LIKE doing. And the result is that now I must do some less than enjoyable tasks to right the situations.

Sow always always always = reap. Don't change the oil, the engine blows. Don't stain the deck, the boards rot. Don't eat well and exercise, the weight comes on. Don't nurture your kids, the relationship is gone. Don't choose love and respect first, the relationship dies.

Certainly, there are situations outside of the norm. But most aren't. We find excuses. We don't feel like trying, don't feel like exerting, don't feel like sacrificing or denying our desires.

One lie, one betrayal, one (more) spouting of hurtful words...we justify it because we have been hurt too, ya know. So that makes it right!

One more day we put off checking the tire pressure, one month we neglect flea repellant...we justify it because we are busy or we don't like to do it.

When we follow our feelings and emotions, when we live the way we want in spite of knowing better, the worm always turns. And we have no one to blame but ourselves. As individuals. As a family. As a society.

Live now by what we want and feel and must have, pay later. Live now by what we know to be right, have more freedom later.

Simple. Not easy.

Gotta run...it's time for another application of flea spray.

See you again soon.

BP :)