Joanne-ee, Sycamore Road, and unwanted surprises...{Day 30}

I am thinking tonight about a house on Sycamore Road.

It started as little more than a shanty – a couple rooms, a bathroom. After 61 years of being lived in by what became a family of 9, it was a much bigger house…and a home.

It is on my mind tonight because 6 years ago at this time, I was in a hospital emergency room, not believing that the woman who made that house a home was gone.

If these old walls, if these old walls could speak

Of things that they remembered well

Stories and faces dearly held

A couple in love livin' week to week

Rooms full of laughter

If these walls could speak*

When you are the only child of a single parent, extended family becomes especially important. Aunt Joanne, my mom’s older sister, always treated me like one of her own. She has a daughter 21 months older than me, a son one month younger, another son 4 years younger…great pals for a kid with no siblings.

The house has a yard big enough for football or baseball, and a hoop in the driveway, and a creek, AND they belonged to a club with a pool. Paradise.

If these old halls, if hallowed halls could talk

These would have a tale to tell

Of sun goin' down and dinner bell

And children playing at hide and seek from floor to rafter

If these halls could speak*

Two specific memories that make me smile…

Driving to the pool, with Three Dog Night’s “Joy to the World” playing loudly, Amy hanging her head out singing even more loudly…and all of that being just fine. No scolding. No “get your head in here” warnings.

And meteor showers in August. We would get sleeping bags and stare at the sky, so excited to count shooting stars. Aunt Joanne was right there with us.

I had no idea what being an adult, a wife, a mom to seven kids meant. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, making ends meet, holding a part time job.

I had no idea what it meant for her to spend hours with us at the pool or looking at the stars.

I had no idea I would remember that forever.

Joanne Andreassi was one of the classiest, most attractive women I know. She always looked nice. Always.

She wasn’t perfect. Sometimes things she said would have been better as just thoughts. She could be stubborn.

But her heart was golden. And her faith was steadfast and strong.

I had no idea it was making such an impact on me.

She was funny. And she had a wonderful laugh.

She loved her kids. She loved her husband…and, oh my, did he love her! They truly enjoyed each other’s company – still do, I’m sure.

She was supportive of my uncle while he built a gas and oil company, worked a second job in the evening, answered customer calls at all hours – once on Christmas Day. They made a great team and were blessed to enjoy the fruit of those labors and sacrifices when they were retired.

If these old fashioned window panes were eyes

I guess they would have seen it all

Each little tear and sigh and footfall

And every dream that we came to seek or followed after

If these walls could speak*

I had no idea on Oct 30, 2007, my sleep would be delayed by a phone call at 11 PM saying I needed to get my mom and go to the hospital.

Aunt Joanne’s oldest daughter and I are also very close. Her voice was tight, very deliberate. Just as I about to hang up, she said words I didn’t want to here: “She’s already gone.”

If I close my eyes right now, I can see her in the kitchen,  or at the end of the dinner table in her spot…I can hear her talking about soap operas or fussing about ladybugs invading her house or cheering for her kids and grandkids at a football or basketball game…I remember her laughing with Mom and their other sister and brother…

I had just seen her at a football game a couple weeks before.

I had no idea it would be the last time I would see her on this side.

I had no idea I would miss the chance to ever tell her these things.

Six years later, Joanne-ee, and you are still loved and missed like it was yesterday.

Rest well. See you again.

They would tell you that I owe you

More than I could ever pay

Here's someone who really loves you

Don't ever go away

That's what these walls would say*

Do you need to share thoughtful words with someone before you can't?
Think about it.

We will talk again tomorrow.

BP

*words and music by Jimmy Webb
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNzwQI9eSAU

I’m participating with The Nester in 31 Days of Examining My Heart.

This is Day 30.

You can find all 31 Dayers here. There are so many wonderful topics.

If you miss any days in the series, you can find the introduction and each day's post here.

Beth Painter is a writer and motivational speaker. You can follow her on Facebook on the “Think Big focus small” page.

Beth is available to speak to your group about how to make your dreams and desires come to life!

Car dancing, Amy Grant and words that stick {Day 29}

How is this to brighten your day…the iPod is on “shuffle” playing through the car stereo and flips to a song you love but haven’t heard for years!

Big smile, right?

That happened yesterday when “Good For Me” came on. Heart in Motion. 1991. I adjusted the settings so I could hear the whole CD.

Amy Grant is 363 days younger than me.  Her music been running in the background most of my adult life. She seems to be someone with whom I could enjoy a round of golf, or an evening playing with harmonies while she sang…just a nice, normal person.

I think she would probably like to talk to me as well! And I could tell her how her songs sometimes made me dance, sometimes carried me through dark days.

Some people love a good beat – I do too - but lyrics are more my thing. A catchy phrase or good hook will stick in my mind forever. The right lyrics can make me smile or invoke so many tears I can’t even sing along.

My heart shows itself in my song choices.

Yours might, as well.

So, because I am writing this for yesterday’s submission, here are lyrics from two of my favorite songs on the “Heart in Motion” CD.

When I start to sing the blues, you pull out my dancing shoes

I think you could be so good for me

You get brave when I get shy, just another reason why

I think you could be do good for me… (Good for Me)

You are dancing a bit, aren’t you? You KNOW you are!

If not, go here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PddJStucKQ

And this, from “Hope Set High”

And I can do my best and pray to the Father
But the one thing I ought to know by now

When it all comes down, when it all comes down
If there's anything good that happens in life
It's from Jesus.

True words right there.

If you don’t know the song, listen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KhK-J6K9S6I

We will talk again tomorrow… or later tonight J

BP

I’m participating with The Nester in 31 Days of Examining My Heart.

This is Day 29.

You can find all 31 Dayers here. There are so many wonderful topics.

If you miss any days in the series, you can find the introduction and each day's post here.

Beth Painter is a writer and motivational speaker. You can follow her on Facebook on the “Think Big focus small” page.

Beth is available to speak to your group about how to make your dreams and desires come to life!

Tool shopping and what I need to remember {Day 28}

We have a new tool store in town. I was compelled to browse there today, which makes consecutive days of me looking at tools.

I fancy myself a low level DIY kind of girl…I own a few power tools. There was more than one moment in each store that I found myself in the way of someone who was looking for a specific tool, who can identify and use the tools that were making me turn my head sideways or making my eyes open wide.

So many kinds of saws and routers and sanders…22 inch screwdrivers and 36 inch pipe wrenches…what do people even DO with those things? It sure seemed to me that any mechanical/home repair/DIY problem could be solved by a tool in that store.

Some people grew up with a family member who taught them, showed them how and when to use each tool.

Some people went to school and learned.

Some people learned by trial and error.

Some people don’t know and don’t care…and maybe couldn’t learn if they tried.

And I am thinking about how that applies in other areas of life.

I am thinking about how each of how has certain tools at our disposal…some inherent, some learned, some acquired the hard way.

Sometimes we watch another person handle a situation and marvel at the use of tools we have never seen or certainly don’t know how to use…

Sometimes life throws things at us for which we have no tool, and we have to go to life’s hardware store and, first, figure out what we need…then figure out how to use it!

It takes time, and effort…and, often, tears.

Sometimes we feel the effects of actions taken by folks who don’t have the tools they need. This is especially frustrating when we have worked hard – HARD! – to get a tool and master its use.

I am thinking that I must continually remind myself that such tools are a blessing, that the price of learning to use them is one people can only pay in their own time…

In the paraphrased words of Maya Angelou, we do what we know, and when we know better, we do better.

My browsing self, who knew so little about most of the tools I was seeing, got in the way of people who were purposeful, who had been taught or taught themselves how to use those tools.

They were friendly and understanding…surely I can be the same when I encounter folks who simply don’t have the necessary tools to handle life’s challenges.

Surely I can point them in the right direction, be reasonably helpful and kind, be mindful of the patience people had for me when I was short on tools.

How about you?

Will you join me?

  

We will talk again tomorrow…

BP

I’m participating with The Nester in 31 Days of Examining My Heart.

This is Day 28.

You can find all 31 Dayers here. There are so many wonderful topics.

If you miss any days in the series, you can find the introduction and each day's post here.

Beth Painter is a writer and motivational speaker. You can follow her on Facebook on the “Think Big focus small” page.

Tennyson, blessed assurance, and "So Long" {Day 23}

My uncle’s funeral was today. Some things get easier with practice. Not funerals.

Funerals, of course, remind us of our own mortality, of the fragility of life. It is especially confronting to say “So long” to someone who has been part of your life since birth. Again, not something that gets easier with practice. 

On days like this, my faith, my family’s faith, is a blessing beyond description.   The promise of salvation is the only way this day could be remotely bearable.

It is late. I am tired.

So I leave you with this…a poem that was read at the funeral of each of my maternal grandparents.

The poem speaks of death being a passage, not an end...change, not finalit

That resonates with me today.

Rest well, Uncle John. We will see you again.

Crossing the Bar

BY ALFRED, LORD TENNYSON

Sunset and evening star,

      And one clear call for me!

And may there be no moaning of the bar,

      When I put out to sea,

   But such a tide as moving seems asleep,

      Too full for sound and foam,

When that which drew from out the boundless deep

      Turns again home.

   Twilight and evening bell,

      And after that the dark!

And may there be no sadness of farewell,

      When I embark;

   For tho' from out our bourne of Time and Place

      The flood may bear me far,

I hope to see my Pilot face to face

      When I have crossed the bar.

We will talk again tomorrow…

BP

I’m participating with The Nester in 31 Days of Examining My Heart.

This is Day 23.

You can find all 31 Dayers here. There are so many wonderful topics.

If you miss any days in the series, you can find the introduction and each day's post here.

Beth Painter is a writer and motivational speaker. You can follow her on Facebook on the “Think Big focus small” page.

Beth is available to speak to your group about how to make your dreams and desires come to life!

Burning leaves, the Boss...and my unwillingness {Day 22}

I have been working outside in the yard this week. Landscaping and fresh air are both favorites of mine…and there is a certain satisfaction in cleaning the gardens, thinning flowers, preparing the beds for a time of rest.

Today I smell burning leaves. You have a memory that pops in your head when you smell burning leaves, don’t you?

Yeah, so do I.

I am reminded that the very leaves I love to smell burning are the same ones I couldn’t wait to see a few months ago…the same ones that provided shade…the same ones that were splendid two weeks ago.

Life has cycles.

And I am reminded that I need to start a fire. I WANT to start a fire.

Nature holds to her cycles. She doesn’t stay too long in summer or winter, preferring one season over another.

I play along with Nature’s revolving ways. In April, I start preparing flower beds and the lawn, gathering whatever debris is left behind by the Old Man (with whom I am not friends). Then, there are several glorious months of warmth and flowers and vegetables and grass.

The arrival of autumn is not met with a cheer at my house, as it signals cold and, more importantly, the end of golf season. We have no choice, however, but to comply. Seasons change whether we like it or not.

Fire is one of my favorite parts of autumn. An evening fire with friends. The smell of leaf fires.

And I am reminded that I want to start a fire. I NEED to start a fire.

We go through cycles in life, don’t we?

But, sometimes, we are not as compliant as nature.

We don’t move through the rounds.

We want to stay right where we are.

We want the buds to become leaves…we will accept the shade…but we don’t want the leaves to fall and won’t accept the time of rest or dormancy.

Or we complain about having to mow. But we won’t move north where summer is shorter.

We won’t start a fire.

Or we hate to shovel snow. But we won’t move south where there is no snow.

We won’t start a fire.

Uncontrolled, fire is scary and destructive.

But when it is controlled? Fire can purify, can rid of us of things we don’t need – lawn debris, fallen leaves.

How about unhealthy habits? Outdated thinking? Narrow mindedness? Stale ideas?

Lack of motivation? Fear?

In the words of a great philosopher:

You can’t start a fire worrying about your little world falling about…

I need to learn nature's rhythm of moving gently through seasons.

And I need to start a fire. 

How about you? Yeah, I thought so.

Bring your own marshmallows. 

We will talk again tomorrow…

BP

 I’m participating with The Nester in 31 Days of Examining My Heart.

This is Day 19.

You can find all 31 Dayers here. There are so many wonderful topics.

If you miss any days in the series, you can find the introduction and each day's post here.

Beth Painter is a writer and motivational speaker. You can follow her on Facebook on the “Think Big focus small” page.

Beth is available to speak to your group about how to make your dreams and desires come to life!

Father Hopko, smelling fumes...and remembering who defines me. {Day 21}

If you have been tracking with me for any time, you know I often look at Father Thomas Hopko’s 55 Maxims for Christian Living. Today this one struck me:

45. Be defined and bound by God alone.

And I ask myself, who do I allow to define me? Friends? Family? Culture?

To whom am I bound? Same groups?

Immediately, I want to say what I know to be the “right” answer…just like when we went up front for the children’s mini-sermon in church. It always seemed like a good bet to shout “JESUS!” as the answer to any question the pastor asked.

I know Father Hopko has it right.

God made me. He defines me. He alone should set my bounds.

I feel rather confident in that, until something shakes me.

How about you? Do things ever shake you? Make you question who defines you?

Obviously, family and friends help define me. They are the people closest to me, the ones who know me best.

But it is foolish to base my self-worth on that.

That reminder comes hard when I find myself smelling fumes because someone has thrown me under the bus.

Or I get passed over for a speaking engagement or teaching position.

Or I don’t get invited to the party all my friends are attending.

I react, get a bit angry…then I come back to a place of knowing who defines me.

It isn’t people, even those I love.

The second question is even bigger. By whom am I bound?

Who makes the rules for my life? What bounds do I use in my daily life to make the hundred choices I have to make?

I want the answer to be unequivocally GOD. But, it isn’t.

Sometimes, it is me.

No need for examples. You, no doubt, have enough examples of your own.

My strong will set the bounds for me far too often. God and I are working on that.

Short and sweet today….and lots to consider.

Be defined and bound by God alone…so be it!

I would love to hear your thoughts.

We will talk again tomorrow…

BP

I’m participating with The Nester in 31 Days of Examining My Heart.

This is Day 19.

You can find all 31 Dayers here. There are so many wonderful topics.

If you miss any days in the series, you can find the introduction and each day's post here.

Beth Painter is a writer and motivational speaker. You can follow her on Facebook on the “Think Big focus small” page.

Beth is available to speak to your group about how to make your dreams and desires come to life!

An Irish blessing says it all {Day 19}

Some days, words are hard to find. Or they are insufficient.

Some days the heart doesn't require much examination. It is wide open.

This is what I have today...

May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields and,
Until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

In Memory of

John Arthur Weibel

July 19, 1928 - Oct 19, 2013

We will talk again tomorrow…

BP

I’m participating with The Nester in 31 Days of Examining My Heart.

This is Day 19.

You can find all 31 Dayers here. There are so many wonderful topics.

If you miss any days in the series, you can find the introduction and each day's post here.

Beth Painter is a writer and motivational speaker. You can follow her on Facebook on the “Think Big focus small” page.

Beth is available to speak to your group about how to make your dreams and desires come to life!

Thinking about who I am...and want to be {Day 18}

It has been one of those days when I look in the mirror and wonder who is looking back at me.

Has that happened to you?

 I actually don’t spend much time looking in the mirror.  I use minimal make up and am blessed with hair that needs little attention.

Surprisingly, it is possible to put on eyeliner, mascara and hair product, and never really look at myself…not really. Not deeply.

As I write this, Tori the Wonder Dog is beside me. She doesn’t care how I look.  She never sees the faults.

But I do.

And so do others…or maybe they just feel them.

My Uncle John is very close to passing over. I visited him for what may have been the last time today.  

This “fact of life” never gets easier. He has been quite sick, so Heaven will be a blessing.

But my heart, of course, breaks for my aunt and their kids.

For this, and a few other reasons, I found myself looking closely in the mirror this evening.

I’m thinking about what people would say about me, if this happened to be my last day on earth.

It is of no matter to me if there are negative words…my concern is whether I am currently living up to the good things people might say.

It’s beneficial to do a little self-examination…the imminent passing of a loved one often triggers that.  

I suppose that is natural. We are forced to consider our own mortality, and the heartache of losing someone we have known forever.

I also think about the tremendous privilege I have to be part of a terrific family. Truly.

As the only child of a single parent, I couldn’t have asked for a better extended family.

On days like this, when I look closely in the mirror, I want to see character that makes the people who have gone ahead proud…and inspires those coming behind me.

I want to be known as a person who always means what she says.

Sometimes, my desire to be a pleaser gets ahead of me. I say Yes when I really mean Maybe.

Or I summon my excellent managerial skills, which worked well for the 20 years I was a small business owner or retail manager, but aren’t effective or appropriate in “managing” relationships.

How about you? Can you relate?

It isn’t loving or fair, and is not the person I want to be.

I want to be a person who radiates joy. Not happiness at every circumstance. JOY.

Sometimes I am.

Other times, not so much…and there are no excuses.

Everyone’s got something, and my something is no worse.

Joy comes from a deep, abiding relationship with Jesus. Not from circumstances.

Joy manifests itself as strength and patience and peace.

Shame on me for the days I am not joyful.

Mostly, I want to be authentic.

I want to be exactly who I am.

Not recklessly. Not hurtfully.

But authentically. The way God molded and wired me to be. Period.

Holding the hand of a man I have known since birth, and knowing it may have been the last time, reminds me of the obvious…I am finite.

My days are numbered.

Living with complete integrity and joy, making sure I can keep my word before I give it, choosing authenticity over people-pleasing can’t wait.

I have a book to write, people to love, a calling to uphold.

All that was not present when I looked in the mirror today.

And in the murkiness, I could see the faces of people I love who suffer because of it.

Thank God for new mercies every day.

Here’s to the blessing of a new day…and the hope of forgiveness.

We will talk again tomorrow…

BP

 I’m participating with The Nester in 31 Days of Examining My Heart.

This is Day 18.

You can find all 31 Dayers here. There are so many wonderful topics.

If you miss any days in the series, you can find the introduction and each day's post here.

Beth Painter is a writer and motivational speaker. You can follow her on Facebook on the “Think Big focus small” page.

Beth is available to speak to your group about how to make your dreams and desires come to life!

Tired, misunderstood...and strong {Day 17}

Day 17 has been...interesting. Some good stuff, some challenging stuff. 

I am tired, feeling challenged, and somewhat misunderstood.

Sometimes examining my heart on days like this is fruitful, helpful...today was not one of those times.

Other times the necessary word often comes from unexpected places...like the Wii virtual fitness trainer.
Normally I find her find to be irritating and not very nice. But occasionally she says something  like "you're pretty strong, aren't you!"

YES, I am strong. I CAN stand against the best curve ball and change-up this life has to offer. I can stand against being misunderstood, against financial challenges, against residual pain and swelling from two partially amputated fingers and a filleted palm.

And you can too.

But sometimes we forget.

We forget that we have given away some of our power to undeserving things, and that we must reclaim that power and use it wisely.

We forget to use the memories of past triumphs, forget to tap into the equity of those successes.

We forget that everything on this Earth is so temporary. Everything. Except the way we treat people. The hurts others inflict on us will be healed in divine ways. The sadness of death will one day be rejoicing at eternal life. But the love we share with others multiplies itself in our own lives. And abides.

We forget that the Creator if the universe is ready to carry us, prop us up, solve our problems and our hurts in ways that are infinitely more wonderful than we can ever imagine. Just ask...
Short and sweet...and just what I needed to hear today. How about you?

Do you need to hear it?

Love is eternal. Everything else is temporary. EVERYTHING ELSE IS TEMPORARY.

I'm pretty strong.
So are you.

And we have access to One who is infinitely stronger and more wonderful than you dare to think or imagine.

We will talk again tomorrow…

BP

I’m participating with The Nester in 31 Days of Examining My Heart.

This is Day 17.

You can find all 31 Dayers here. There are so many wonderful topics.

If you miss any days in the series, you can find the introduction and each day's post here.

Beth Painter is a writer and motivational speaker. You can follow her on Facebook on the “Think Big focus small” page.

Beth is available to speak to your group about how to make your dreams and desires come to life!

Are these my glasses...other vision issues...and Johnny Nash {Day 16}

On a recent weekend trip, one of my friends picked up another friend’s glasses and wore them. She left the hotel room with them on, never noticing a difference, said she could see perfectly well. Apparently, the other woman could not see as well, and did notice rather quickly.

The situation was resolved without incident…but it put a bug in my head.

My first thought was this…what if we really could see through other people’s glasses or eyes, even for a day?

We think we understand.

We think people are being stubborn or selfish or rude. Maybe we cast aspersions without having any idea about the circumstances another is enduring.

I heard a story of a pastor on a subway late one evening. A man and his 4 children got on. The children were not behaving well and the father paid them no mind. Other passengers moved away from them. The pastor was irritated because the kids should have been in bed and the father was not controlling them. Then one of the children fell into the pastor’s lap and started crying. Taking the boy in his arms, the father apologized to the pastor. He said, “I’m sorry. We just came from the hospital where their mother died. I have no idea how to raise them alone.”

If only we could see…

OR we think people are deliriously happy and we are missing out.

We look in the windows as we drive past and make up stories about how miserable we are compared to others.

We pity ourselves because everyone else has it so much better.

If only we could see...

And this doesn’t happen only with strangers.

As much as I would like, I can’t crawl inside the head of people I love, and they can’t crawl into mine.

So we misunderstand. Our feelings get hurt. We might get scared.

If only we could see…

My second thought was this – a quote from Jonathan Livingston Seagull, by Richard Bach:

Don't believe what your eyes are telling you. All they show is limitation. Look with your understanding, find out what you already know, and you'll see the way to fly.

Wouldn’t that be great? If we could, even for a moment, step beyond what our eyes tell us, and see the true – perhaps future - reality of a situation.

See how things could be…FEEL how things could be.

Wouldn’t that be motivational?

If we could FEEL the difference when we lose the weight.

If we could FEEL the difference when we no longer have the weight of debt.

If we could FEEL the difference when the book is written, the degree completed, the goal met.

Read these words out loud: Look with your understanding, find out what you already know, and you'll see the way to fly.

Believe in the dreams you have, in spite of what your eyes see.

Believe in the dreams someone else has with and for you, in spite of – in spite of! Because circumstances change…but giving up on a dream stays with you forever.

And one more thought that popped into my head:

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone

I can see all obstacles in my way,

Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind

It’s gonna be a bright, bright, bright sunshine-y day.

Uh huh – you are singing that ALL day now.

You’re welcome.

We will talk again tomorrow…

BP

I’m participating with The Nester in 31 Days of Examining My Heart.

This is Day 16.

You can find all 31 Dayers here. There are so many wonderful topics.

If you miss any days in the series, you can find the introduction and each day's post here.

Beth Painter is a writer and motivational speaker. You can follow her on Facebook on the “Think Big focus small” page.

Beth is available to speak to your group about how to make your dreams and desires come to life!